I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
