He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
