my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize