Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
