We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
