I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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