made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
