Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
