Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
