and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
