I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
