So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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