your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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