hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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