Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
True college students do jello shots in the library
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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