I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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