Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
