Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I've blown a few things in my day
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
