thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
