I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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