I heard we made out
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
And my parents said I crawled through the house
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
