Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
