Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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