ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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