ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
