I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
