This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
