Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
