I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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