Can i not drive my cunt home
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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