If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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