Kiss
Puke
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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