Will you blow on my dice?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
