tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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