Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
