The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
