what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
