Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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