she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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