please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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