What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
