I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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