So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
