Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
