I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
