first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
