it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize