babies were throwing up all over the place
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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