How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
