party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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