i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
