I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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