i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
