billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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