it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
