Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
