We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
