dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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