the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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