im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
