I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
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