Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
