Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she smelled like a LAN party
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize