didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
