apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We have started to decorate penises.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
