just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize