you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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