and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
