so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
