Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
