Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I am available for nakedness
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
