Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
