the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
