Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
What a dumb baby whore.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
